My 21st Birthday Weekend - Part 2

It shouldn't have taken me this long to write another update on my birthday weekend, but it has. I just received a little motivation from Jamie Stavenger and knew I better post something before I left for So. Cal. on Wednesday. Thanks Jamie! : )

On Sunday, October 5th, Adrian and I went to church together and then came home and packed up leftovers from the party for a picnic! Adrian and I went to Buckley Cove and it was wonderful. I had never been there, but it was a great spot for a picnic and right on the Delta. Here is a picture of Adrian by the Delta ---- he loved the picnic spot I chose!

By the time we walked down to the water, back up again, and ate our lunch, we left around 4 p.m. We decided to see Fireproof later that evening and then have dinner afterwards. Fireproof was amazing! I wanted to see it again and again. I left the movie speechless. It was fabulous and everyone should see it. We went to Casa Flores after the movie for a late dinner and had a great evening. The next day was my birthday and boy was I ready!! I will post another update of my brithday weekend once I get back from So. Cal.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

My 21st Birthday Weekend - Part 1

I'm FINALLY finding time to blog! I've had a lot of free time, but it has taken me a while to gather all of the pictures together. My birthday weekend started on October 3rd and lasted until Monday, October 6th, my birthday! Adrian was able to stay for all 4 days and it was wonderful. That was the longest we'd ever been together so it was really nice.



I was having my housewarming/birthday party on Saturday at 2 p.m. and had a lot to do to prepare! My mom made all of the food, which was great (!), so she definitely did most of the preparation. Here are some pictures from my party:






Adrian and I in front of my house......I LOVE this picture!



My yummy cake!



The front of my house w/ my lovely, purple ballons : )



Me, "inhaling the flame", as Adrian would say, hehe. I look SO lame in this picture.... : P




My birthday was SO, SO wonderful. It was beyond everything I thought it would be. I had such a wonderful time being with all of my friends, together, in one place, and Adrian went above and beyond anything I ever expected. Among all of the wonderful gifts he bought me, he gave me a beautiful locket. I was so ecstatic! I've always wanted a locket and I absolutely love it. I would have been happy with just a card, but it was all wonderful and very sweet.

The day ended with Becky and Justin stopping by, which was very nice!

Complete Chaos

Whew! I didn't think I would have time to blog in all of the chaos that's been going on, but sadly enough, this is my relaxation for the day. It has been a very chaotic week.

Highlight of the week: I was backing out of my narrow driveway and hit the pole on the iron gate. UGH! ............ Result: approximate $500 dent.....grrr...... The dent is barely noticable is you're not looking for it, but it did sound a lot worse than it looks. Oh well....I'd rather dent my car than someone else.

The latest issue with my house: The electrical wires in the house were against code because they were copper and not aluminum. Also, there was no grounding, so, $550 later, all of the plugs in my house are now up to code. This all happened because I was noticing that one by one certain plugs weren't working. I'm sure next week it will be a different problem. Lucky me.... : /

I'm having my housewarming/21st birthday party on Saturday so until Saturday, things are going to be crazy. Adrian is coming up this weekend so on Sunday, we're going wine tasting! I'm SUPER excited about it so expect a blog posting on my first wine tasting experience, as well as pictures! Adrian and I are also hoping to see Fireproof. I'm sure you've seen the previews....looks like a great movie. Monday, my actual birthday, should be a nice, relaxing day. It's supposed to rain tomorrow night and Saturday, but as long as it doesn't rain Monday, I'm A-OK! It was great weather last year for my birthday so I'm hoping the same this year.

Summary of my life to date: complete chaos.

I will be posting more blogs after Monday, so check back! Have an awesome weekend and next time I post, I'll be 21!

Its been a while.....

Wow! It has been a while since my last post. I have been extremely busy with my new home (!!), a new "someone", work, school, and whatever other unexpected things happen in my life. If I thought I didn't have a life before....well, I definitely have one now!

My new home is wonderful. I love living on my own and it's everything I always knew it would be. There is never enough time in the day to do everything I need to do, so at least a few hours on the weekend are spent cleaning, organizing, and getting things done! Who knew a home would be so much work?! It's good prepatation for the future, though, so I can't complain. : )

There are a lot of fun things coming up this next week. I knew if I didn't do a post today, it wouldn't happen! My 21st birthday is in 9 days and my new boyfriend, Adrian, is flying in on Friday. I'm really excited for this next week and can't wait to spend time with my friends on Saturday. It's rare that I get to see most of them more than once or twice a month, if that. It's always fun to get together and have a relaxing, awesome day!

My mom and I have gotten significantly closer since I moved out, which I knew would happen, and it's a good feeling. My mom definitely feels like a best friend instead of my mom. I've waited a long time for that to happen! Speaking of best friends, I lost one of my best friends this week. My friend Mary who was living with me packed up all of her things last Friday and moved out. Mary told my parents and I that she was going to live with her aunt in Brentwood, but it turns out, she's living with her boyfriend. That's the short summary of what happened, but it's sad. My parents and I kept discovering lies and it's pretty hurtful when things like that happen. I never want anything in return from my friends. All I ask is that you don't lie to me, and if for some reason you do, don't let it happen again. Just as with Mary, my trust in her is now gone. Mary also disconnected her phone so I won't get to say goodbye to her before she leaves for the Air Force ---- if she's still going.

Besides the tough situations here and there, the good times definitely outweigh the bad.

I hope to keep you all updated more often. Have a great weekend!

My life in a box

....or should I say boxes? I decided to take a break from packing by blogging since I haven't written in a while. This past week has been crazy, but not as crazy as this next week will be. I've been up until 12 a.m. every night running errands, doing stuff at the house, and doing homework. Since I work every day, have homework, and am usually at the house every day, tomorrow is the only day I have to pack. It's funny because I had planned to gradually pack over time. Haha....I think about that now and it's hilarious to me. Why, on earth, did I think I would actually have time to gradually pack over time? I don't think I realized how much work this would be and how many unexpected things come up when moving and getting a house move-in ready. So, because of those reasons, I have one day to pack my life into boxes. The question is, where will I put all of these boxes? I'm not sure, yet, but I think I'll worry about that when I'm finally done packing.

I can't believe how far the house has come in a month. It's amazing what paint can do! It looks beautiful and is starting to feel like home. I can't wait to move in next weekend and it will also be nice because I have one extra day, Monday, to unpack and get settled in.

Next time I write, I'll be in my new house! See you then!! : )

No time....not even to breath

Today is the last day of the rest of the my life. My last semester at Delta starts tomorrow, I'm moving in a month or less, I'm looking for a new job, and my current job is more stressful than I can handle. Have I already mentioned this? Most likely. I usually have time to relax when I come home after work every day. This week, there's been no time. I have been busy non-stop until 11 p.m. at night when I'm finally climbing into bed, even though I still have things that to do - things that should have been done weeks ago. I know that soon I will be sleeping in a half-empty bedroom, full of boxes, surrounded by homework and job applications. If this is what moving out and getting a life - a real life - is about, I now understand why all of my friends are always busy! I feel for them. I have ZERO time. I don't even have time to breath. So if you don't see a blog for a while, you know why. I'm posting my house pics on MySpace, but will have some on here, too, when I get caught up.

Have a great rest of the week and a great weekend!

Flip That House!

As some of you may know, I purchased a home about a month and a half ago and it looks like I'll be moving in by September 1. The windows were put in on Thursday, the painting has started, and as soon as the painting is done, the carpet and linoleum can be put in. I'm also having some work done outside and that should all be done this week. I'm getting an automatic garage door put in, a new bathroom in the garage (the old one was overtaken by mold!), the deck painted, and other tiny miscellaneous things.

Although the progress being made makes me very happy, I'm stressed - downright stressed. On top of finding a new job, still being at my current job, school starting, and thinking about going through all of my things and packing, I'm overwhelmed. I have most of what I need as far as furniture, but one thing specifically about the house is bothering me ----- DEOCRATING.
I have no clue about how to decorate, color themes, etc.

Anyone have any decorating tips to ease my mind?

August 8, 2008 -- Is today really all that lucky?

Happy 8-8-08! We've all heard the buzz about today being "lucky" according to Chinese culture. But as far as American culture, is today really all that lucky? Read on.....

I flew to Ohio yesterday to take my niece and nephew back home. I flew back home today. Anyways, I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning so I could get to the airport on time. I was getting dressed after taking my shower and SNAP! My bra - the only bra I had - snapped right in half. Yea.....I was irritated, to say the least. Unlucky situation #1. It's funny because obviously we are all aware that clothes fall apart, we grow out of them, etc., but being a woman, I have never thought about my bra snapping in half before. Well, there is definitely a first time for everything! Luckily, I was able to find a safety pin and pin my bra together. The experiences I have are humorous, yet strangely weird, and therefore, I'm dreaming of paradise, where hopefully, this kind of stuff wouldn't happen, hehe.

While I was gone yesterday, there were new windows and a new sliding glass door being put in at my house, as well as the removal of wallpaper and some work in the garage/patio area. I went over to the house today at 4 p.m. and WOWZERS!!!! I was in shock. First off, it's amazing what a difference double-pane windows makes!! And my new sliding glass door is wonderful. The removal of wallpaper turned out to be more of a challenge than expected. The previous owners made a mistake with the paint job and so my paint guy had to remove the wallpaper, the backing, and two other layers just to get down to solid wall. It was definitely interesting to see everything that came off of the wall, in thin, messy, wet strips, but the progress being made in a day's time was great. I feel so lucky to have such great, hard-working people making progress on my house so I can move in by September 1st ------ hopefully! What I most enjoyed seeing was the progress being made on the garage area. There was a bathroom inside of the garage, which was convenient because of the pool. Unfortunately, there was a leak in the bathroom, so there was mold EVERYWHERE. When I arrived today, the walls were knocked out, toilet and sink removed, and it looked 100% better. I couldn't believe it. We're putting in a new toilet and sick, as well as tile instead of concrete, since there was mold around the concrete, as well. I think I should get the "Rookie Homeowner of the Year" award!! : ) This house is going to look SO much better than before. I'm excited to post before/after pictures. Lucky situation #1.

After getting a little bored with waiting around the house, I decided to browse Cost Plus World Market, as it was just down the street, and I was sure they would have super cute stuff for my house. Sure enough, I walk in and just about buy out the store! They had so much cute stuff for the house. I called my mom and had her meet me there, and ended up buying a desk (see above), a dining room table and chairs, and two purple flower prints for my room. I was exceptionally lucky to find the desk because it had a pull-out section below the top desk surface that could be used as a keyboard space or extra writing space. Every desk I had found that I liked only had a pull-out keyboard tray and this desk was compatible for either, which is great since I have a laptop. It was just what I'd been looking for! Everything was on sale, too, which was even better. Lucky situation #2.

That's 2 - 1. What do you think? Lucky or unlucky?

Btw, I just started blogging and I'm not as creative as Jamie Stavenger (I almost typed Petersen, hehe), so bare with me and I promise to give you creative, fun-filled blogs. One of my goals is to expand my creativity! : )

There's no denying it now....

Early Tuesday morning at about 3:45 a.m., I woke up with really bad cramps. I tried going back to sleep, hoping they would go away, but they didn't. They just got worse. By 4:15 a.m., I had all of the signs of having a miscarriage - you know what they are. It was horrible! I left for the hospital at 4:30 a.m. and by the time my mom and I arrived, I was in tears because of how painful it was. I was put in a room until about 11 a.m. and then was taken to get an ultrasound. There was no baby shown on the ultrasound machine. It had happened. It was officially gone. Until the ultrasound, I had been poked and prodded more times than I could count. After the ultrasound, I was taken to the pre-op room to prepare for the D & C. While waiting to get taken in, my blood was taken ---- AGAIN. The doctor finally arrived, told me what would be happening, and then the anethesiologist arrived and also gave me insight on what would be done. I was in the operating room by 12 p.m. and the last thing I remember is the anethesiologist saying, "Okay, now just put this mask on." I still didn't remember anything when I was in the recovery room. It was all a blur...... By the time I left the hospital at 2:30 p.m., I didn't even feel like I had just had surgery! It was crazy. I didn't feel that good after my hand surgery. So, all in all, I was glad that mother nature took its course and I'm glad it's all behind me. Even though all of my medical issues are behind me, I am still dealing with the grief of losing a baby. Time heals all, but I know when the due date comes, it will be a hard day for me.

I'll be changing my blog name soon and will continue to update it with my normal, everyday life happenings! With my new house, I don't doubt there will be lots to tell. Happy reading : )

My options....

On Friday, July 24th, I had another doctor's appointment. I had requested a THIRD ultrasound to be done and I was also going to find out what my options were. The doctor was a little hesistant about the third ultrasound, but I'm very persistant - especially in a life and death situation. Unfortunately, the result was the same - no heartbeat, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. If I had not asked for a third ultrasound, I would've probably left there regretting it.

Here are the options the doctor gave me:

1. D & C ---- They can remove the dead tissue to prevent infection.

2. Miscarriage ----- I can let a miscarriage happen naturally, in it's own time. My doctor told me to save the parts that come out in a ziploc bag to make sure there isn't anything left inside. "That's what ziploc bags are for", he said. Ugh! Boy did that make me mad. The last thing I want to do is save the parts of my baby in a ziploc bag. Just so you know, this wasn't my regular doctor. If my regular doctor had said that, I'd be switching doctors and/or medical groups.

I didn't make a decision that day, mostly because I was unsure of what to do, but even if there was still some tissue left inside, I would have to have the D & C. I didn't see the point in waiting a week + to let it happen naturally and then maybe have to have the D & C anyways.

Needless to say, I wasn't very happy when I left the doctor's office that day, but I was leaving it up to mother nature to take its course.

To my daughter - Elliana Grace

Well, even though it was too early to know what I was having, I'm convinced it was a girl. The name I had picked out was Elliana Grace. So here is a short letter to my baby girl and a song by Watermark that has given me much relief and comfort.

Thursday, July 23, 2008

These past few days have been a blur. I can't believe you're gone. I loved you since the beginning. I wanted nothing, but the best for you. I wanted to give you the world. It hurts so bad. I won't be able to hold you in my arms and experience all of the wonderful things that come with having a child. Even your name sounded like a miracle to me. You were so very loved. Here's a song for you - 'Glory Baby'.

Glory Baby, You slipped away
As fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened, Dear,
You disappeared on us baby, baby
Heaven will hold you before we do, Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you, until we're home with you

Chorus:
We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, 'til mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have Heaven before we do, you'll just have Heaven before we do

Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it 'cause we are hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing and we know we're stronger people through the growing and in knowing
All things work together for our good and God works his purposes
Just like He said He would, just like He said He would

(chorus)

I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing Heaven is your home
It's all you'll ever know, it's all you'll ever know

Fears Confirmed

On Wednesday, July 23rd, was my appointment to go to radiology and get a more advanced ultrasound. My doctor had told me that an appointment was made for me at 11:30 a.m., but apparently not. The nurse at the check-in desk wanted me to come back the next morning at 8 a.m.!!!! I was fuming. There was no way that I was going through another 24 hours of not knowing what was going on with my baby. Also, John and I had both taken the day off work so I wasn't about to request another day off. My boss probably thinks I'm crazy! I have had so many unexpected personal issues come up since I started the job and they all required a half-day or a day off.

I had promised myself to hold it together during my appointment, but unfortunately, that didn't happen. I completely lost it. John kept telling me to calm down, but it's hard to see your baby on an ultrasound screen, and know that on this earth, you will never hold it in your arms. My doctor had told me the day before to call between 1:30 p.m. and 2 p.m. and she would know the results. I called twice between 1:30 p.m. and 4 p.m. with no luck of getting through to my doctor. One of the nurse's called me at 4:30 p.m. to tell me the devastating news: "There has been a fetal demise. I'm sorry." I lost it - again. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I was hoping this was a nightmare and I would wake up soon.

I had changed all of my life plans when I found out I was having a baby and I was excited for the new change. My life is so routine and boring, so a new change was exciting. I had planned to talk to my boss about working from home, put school on hold, etc. Now, I had to go back to my original life plans. It has definitely been hard to go from "baby mode" back to "normal life".

Before I even received the news there was fetal demise, I gave John a piece of my mind. Not many people know about my past with John, and frankly, I'm thankful for that. John and I dated for a few months, and 2 weeks before his academy graduation, we broke up. I was pretty upset, and for some reason, never got over him. About a month later, he called me and we started talking again - as friends. John and I have never been on bad terms, so it felt pretty normal to be back in touch with him again. We hung out a few times off and on throughout the year, and May was the first time I had seen him in a long time. I won't go into everything I told John on Wednesday, but I have decided to let him go. It's time to move on, especially after everything that has happened, and it was never a healthy relationship to begin with. I'm proud of myself for finally letting go of John and moving on from my past.

My Second Appointment

I had my second doctor's appointment on Tuesday. First off, John was late meeting up with me, which made us both late getting to the doctor's office, and then we were even later because they kept us at the registration desk for 15 minutes! I absolutely despise being late so I wasn't very happy. I also felt as if this appointment wasn't going very well to start with. Pessimistic - I know.
The appointment was very short and we had to wait probably a total of 5 minutes - at the most. My doctor came in, tried listening to the baby's heartbeat through the Doppler, and couldn't hear anything but me. That's all she kept saying - "I can't hear the baby. I can just hear you." Obviously, that worried me, and I know it worried her, so she brought in the ultrasound machine. My doctor still couldn't hear anything. Not one, single, thing. At that point, I lost it. I absolutely lost it. I was devastated. I knew what it meant, even though it seemed as if there was a "gray area". My doctor told me that she didn't see "good stuff" and wanted to send me to radiology for a more advanced ultrasound. Since my doctor didn't come right out and tell me that there had been a fetal demise, I think that's why I felt as if there was a "gray area". I was also concerned when I saw '8 weeks, 2 days' on the ultrasound screen when I'm supposed to be '11 weeks, 5 days'.

Check next blog for more....

9 weeks, 31 weeks to go

Well, tomorrow marks the start of week 10. By August 1, I'll be in my 2nd trimester. I can't believe it. Time flies! This week has been pretty good except for my fatique, which has been worse than normal. For some reason, ever since Sunday, I've had the hardest time getting to sleep. I'm just really uncomfortable. I can't seem to find a comfortable position. Well, last night, I slept with a pillow between my legs and boy did I sleep good! It was wonderful. Hopefully I continue to sleep well.

I also put an offer in on a house on Saturday and found out on Tuesday that my offer was accepted! Check out MySpace for pictures. There will be more pictures added this weekend when I get a chance to go to the house. It needs some TLC, but when all of it is done, it will be really nice. So between dealing with the house and with how tired I've been, I'm ready for the weekend! Have a great week everyone.

8 weeks, 32 weeks to go

Well, today I'm 8 weeks and 5 days along. My life right now can be described in one word: fatigue. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to bed, I'm exhausted. I have also been going to bed at 9:30 p.m. or earlier if I can. For those who know me, I'm a night owl. I usually stay up until 10:30 p.m. or 11:00 p.m. without a problem. I'm also not a morning person, so no matter how early I go to bed, even now, I'm exhausted. My new job doesn't help the situation. My job is very stressful and makes me even more tired than I already am. It's a very demanding job and you really have to stay on top of everything. I haven't told any at work yet about my pregnancy and I plan on waiting until I really start showing, around month 4 or 5. I also plan on not working after December 23rd. I figured that would be a good time since the baby is due the first week of February and the end of December seemed like a good time because of the holidays. You're supposed to get a bunch of energy during the 2nd trimester and then be tired again during the 3rd trimester so I'm counting the weeks until I'm 4 months along! I hate being this tired. It's definitely uncomfortable. I'm used to having a bunch of energy and used to being able to do a lot of things at night that I can't do during the day.

So....moving on from that - my cravings. I am TOTALLY craving salsa and bagels with cream cheese. Weird, huh? No pickles and ice cream for me! I haven't had ice cream in over a month which is weird for me. I haven't had any chocolate either and I am a big sweets person. Once I have my daily dose of salsa, I'm happy. : )

I will give another update next week. I doubt I'll be feeling any less tired, but maybe I'll have a new craving to share! Have a great 4th of July!

My First Appointment

Tuesday, June 24th finally came! I was SO very excited!! My appointment was at 4 p.m. Little did I know I would be there for almost 2 hours! We (John and I) were asked a few questions by one of the nurses and then after that, we had to wait in the room for 45 minutes. I was going crazy! I couldn't wait to see my baby on the screen and waiting 45 minutes was definitely unexpected. Once the doctor came in, it was wonderful. I cried when I saw my baby on the screen. I knew I probably would, but once I saw my baby, I felt so much love inside of me. It was amazing. It was nice to finally have my first appointment and get the ball rolling. My next appointment is July 22nd and by that time, I'll be 11 1/2 weeks --- almost 3 months! The only bad part about my appointment was that my doctor told me I need to take a blood test. That's not necessarily the bad part, though; I had to have NINE tubes of blood taken!! I don't mind having blood tests, but NINE tubes? Holy smokes! Luckily, for all of the subsequent blood tests, only 2 tubes of blood need to be taken. Now that I have caught you all up on my pregnancy so far, I can catch you up on my cravings and how I'm feeling!

Anxious feelings & supportive friends

Well, June 23rd was the day I chose to tell my mom about me being pregnant. I was going to wait until after my first prenatal appointment on June 24th, but I knew I needed to tell her ASAP. I had met with a friend on June 23rd for lunch and after our conversation, I knew I needed to tell my mom right away. I told my mom later that afternoon. My mom wasn't happy. She was sad, disappointed, shocked, and of course felt as if my life was over. It has been a week since I told her and she's handling things much better. The first few days were hard, but now, she is just making sure I'm feeling okay and wants things to go as smooth as possible. I'm glad I told my mom when I did, but I was definitely VERY anxious up until June 23rd. It's much harder when you live with the person!

I definitely feel very blessed at this time in my life. I have always felt blessed in my life, but now, more than ever, it's definitely more than I deserve. All of my friends have been wonderful and all of them have been nothing but supportive. Since I am pregnant out of wedlock, no one is exactly clapping their hands and bringing out balloons, but nevertheless, all of them are supportive and are there for me when I need them. This is definitely an important time in my life when I need all of the support I can get, so I am VERY thankful. I have the best friends in the world! Everyone, including my mom, has reacted better than I thought they would. Yay! : )

A New Life

At 7:45 p.m. on June 9, 2008, little did I know that my life would change forever. The usual first signs were there and I had a feeling I was pregnant, but was trying to ignore that feeling. The fact I was trying to ignore my gut feeling may be why I refused to go to Longs for 9 days. At 8 p.m. on June 9, 2008, I saw the two lines, just like you see above, and about had a heart attack. I was a wreck. I told my best friend Mary first and then my good friend Yvette. I went immediately the next morning to get a blood test to be positive. I was going crazy the whole day at work and couldn't concentrate ---- for obvious reasons. I received a phone call at 3:30 p.m. with the "no joking, this is serious, life-changing news"; "You're pregnant." Then, there was a multitude of questions afterwards, one of them being about making the first appointment. I could barely function, let alone try to picture my monthly calendar in my head. It took me about 2 days to finally get over the fact that yes, I am really pregnant, and everything will be okay.

I know that being unmarried and pregnant isn't really the vision of any woman's life and while I am quite aware that what I did was wrong, I have taken the positive perspective on this situation.

1. Children are a gift from God.

2. Children are a blessing.

3. God will never give us anything we can't handle.

4. Everything works together for the good of those who love Him.

Those are just a few of the statements that run through my mind every day. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. This was obviously not my ideal situation for myself, nor was this planned (obviously!), but I must deal with what was given to me. I am SO excited about having a baby and everything that goes along with it. There are of course challenges, just like any other situation, but I know I can get through anything. If you know me well enough, you know that I have been through a lot in my 20 years and I have no doubt that I will make it through this!!

So after June 9, 2008, my next step was to tell my parents. I had told the father, John, that same night. I wasn't worried about telling my stepdad as he is usually pretty laid back, but my Mom was another story.

In reference to my title for this post, there is a new life growing inside of me and I, as of June 9, 2008, also have a new life. Even though my new life as a mother technically doesn't start until the baby is born, I must start eating right, drinking TONS of water, limit my caffeine intake, etc.

I can't wait until my first appointment!! But before then, I must tell my mother. How will she react? Stay tuned to find out!