On Wednesday, July 23rd, was my appointment to go to radiology and get a more advanced ultrasound. My doctor had told me that an appointment was made for me at 11:30 a.m., but apparently not. The nurse at the check-in desk wanted me to come back the next morning at 8 a.m.!!!! I was fuming. There was no way that I was going through another 24 hours of not knowing what was going on with my baby. Also, John and I had both taken the day off work so I wasn't about to request another day off. My boss probably thinks I'm crazy! I have had so many unexpected personal issues come up since I started the job and they all required a half-day or a day off.
I had promised myself to hold it together during my appointment, but unfortunately, that didn't happen. I completely lost it. John kept telling me to calm down, but it's hard to see your baby on an ultrasound screen, and know that on this earth, you will never hold it in your arms. My doctor had told me the day before to call between 1:30 p.m. and 2 p.m. and she would know the results. I called twice between 1:30 p.m. and 4 p.m. with no luck of getting through to my doctor. One of the nurse's called me at 4:30 p.m. to tell me the devastating news: "There has been a fetal demise. I'm sorry." I lost it - again. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I was hoping this was a nightmare and I would wake up soon.
I had changed all of my life plans when I found out I was having a baby and I was excited for the new change. My life is so routine and boring, so a new change was exciting. I had planned to talk to my boss about working from home, put school on hold, etc. Now, I had to go back to my original life plans. It has definitely been hard to go from "baby mode" back to "normal life".
Before I even received the news there was fetal demise, I gave John a piece of my mind. Not many people know about my past with John, and frankly, I'm thankful for that. John and I dated for a few months, and 2 weeks before his academy graduation, we broke up. I was pretty upset, and for some reason, never got over him. About a month later, he called me and we started talking again - as friends. John and I have never been on bad terms, so it felt pretty normal to be back in touch with him again. We hung out a few times off and on throughout the year, and May was the first time I had seen him in a long time. I won't go into everything I told John on Wednesday, but I have decided to let him go. It's time to move on, especially after everything that has happened, and it was never a healthy relationship to begin with. I'm proud of myself for finally letting go of John and moving on from my past.
I had promised myself to hold it together during my appointment, but unfortunately, that didn't happen. I completely lost it. John kept telling me to calm down, but it's hard to see your baby on an ultrasound screen, and know that on this earth, you will never hold it in your arms. My doctor had told me the day before to call between 1:30 p.m. and 2 p.m. and she would know the results. I called twice between 1:30 p.m. and 4 p.m. with no luck of getting through to my doctor. One of the nurse's called me at 4:30 p.m. to tell me the devastating news: "There has been a fetal demise. I'm sorry." I lost it - again. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I was hoping this was a nightmare and I would wake up soon.
I had changed all of my life plans when I found out I was having a baby and I was excited for the new change. My life is so routine and boring, so a new change was exciting. I had planned to talk to my boss about working from home, put school on hold, etc. Now, I had to go back to my original life plans. It has definitely been hard to go from "baby mode" back to "normal life".
Before I even received the news there was fetal demise, I gave John a piece of my mind. Not many people know about my past with John, and frankly, I'm thankful for that. John and I dated for a few months, and 2 weeks before his academy graduation, we broke up. I was pretty upset, and for some reason, never got over him. About a month later, he called me and we started talking again - as friends. John and I have never been on bad terms, so it felt pretty normal to be back in touch with him again. We hung out a few times off and on throughout the year, and May was the first time I had seen him in a long time. I won't go into everything I told John on Wednesday, but I have decided to let him go. It's time to move on, especially after everything that has happened, and it was never a healthy relationship to begin with. I'm proud of myself for finally letting go of John and moving on from my past.
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